Progress? Hardly...

Well, apparently I'm not such an idiot after all, nor have some others lived "down" to my expectations. In any case, at least I still speak my second and third languages well enough, so no snag there. Plenty of other issues though... chief among them being that the wheels of bureaucracy seem to lubricate themselves with superglue. I do not presume to be able to judge what good progress means to those  mentioned above, because I actually do have a rough idea about what it's like to be immured in files. So now we wait.

In the mean time (and on a side-note) I'll tell you about how I've come to realise that my often-scorned work ethic would fit many difficult situations. Every unimaginative self-help book and every dull job offer says you should be self-motivated, without any sense of how this term has been abused into meaning self-centred arrogance.  I'd say your self-motivation should spring from a keen consciousness of how common success depends on your performance. Doing a good job should be part of who you are, and it shouldn't mean a total disregard of outside considerations or input, because such input is key in raising awareness of the impact of your work. It's just a nuance, but it can make all the difference, if anyone cares that is...

I seem to be....stupid :p

So, ranting it is then!
 Apparently, i'm stupid. Yes, your eyes are fine, dearest friend. It seems that some utterly moronic people think it is appropriate to rename a 3 question logic "test" to "IQ-test" and give feedback on your results as IQ: 33%. So much for that job, I guess. Not that it's much of a loss. Damn, how the heck should I even interpret that?! Do these people even know what an IQ-test is?  Maybe not, but if they had a fever (in centigrade) that equals 33% of my IQ they wouldn't even be able to make their way to the hospital on their own. Maybe that was some sort of a convoluted medical test. Guess I'm ill or something. Maybe I really am... like....DUUUH. It would certainly help with coping. Coping with the insult, coping with the unprofessional attitude and ultimately coping with failure. Still, idiot or not, I at least care that blaming others for a joint decision is very-very wrong. Not to mention the issue of having errors in your language test that even someone as stupid as me can spot. And I could go on. Of course, I might get a shock when I get the results of today's test. It might turn out that I don't even speak English, because apparently some other people have no idea that the norm for the third part of the test (writing) is usually 60 mins, not 30. Of course, you need to be a teacher to know that, but taking a proper (!) test might also give you a clue. Still, I'd score off the charts on everything else if I could, but I guess there has to be a cap somewhere. After all, we are no longer in school. In real life it's a lot more risky for others if I put them to shame, like I used to unintentionally do with many of my English teachers.
That's it, I guess. Idiot out...

Well, I'm back...

Someone should give me an award for posting so rarely: "the Golden <?>" or something. Some people write a novel or two a year, I barely manage a post. Guess I don't really need to share my thoughts with cyberspace. I am content with speaking to myself. Not aloud, of course, that would be weird to the loony-bin level, but silently. I have friends there... in my head, I mean. "I'm so happy, cause today I found my friends..." Well, that sure puts me in a bleak mood. Not only is Kurt dead, but so is an aunt, an uncle, a pal and a long-lost acquaintance. And this is just my own, personal, part of the list. Screw 2013.  Failure upon death upon failure. Even the little I have achieved this year seems utterly useless. Either things turn around in the next 50 or so days, or I'll start considering opting out hoping and struggling and just go with the flow, wherever it may take me. Plans suck, while random ideas have usually taken me somewhere. Still, there is hope. I don't know from whence I derive this uncharacteristic hopefulness, because all I've been seeing these past few months is cancer, suicide and disappointment. Maybe I'm tougher than I know, or maybe all this reminds me of the challenges I used love taking up. Except there are no prizes here. None that one should have to struggle for, at least. But still, you have to cope and go on, while you feel that you can make your mark somewhere. I think I have things to say and this keeps me from despair. I just need an outlet. Something which resonates loud and clear. A "loudlet" :p Ok, I won't go all Hank Moody on you... now there's another disappointment... even the little things seem to gnaw away at my life.
I should say goodbye to those ho passed this year, but I haven't really let them go yet, so it shall have to wait... for more peaceful moments. Right now, I just need to rant a bit...

Long overdue.

It's been months. I should have written, but  I couldn't phrase my thoughts properly. Still can't. How am I supposed to pay  fitting tribute to the memory of a man who transcended all the clichés that we usually appreciate? How can one honour the memory of an ideal? I think any proper way is beyond my meagre capacity, so I do what all others do: mourn the passing of a remarkable person and sing his praise whenever something reminds me of him.

Rest in peace, Mr. Rajcsek! You have our eternal gratitude!

(I'm sorry for the poor bastard who is to fill your shoes as a teacher, because few -if any- can follow the example you set. I know you'd wish this weren't true, and I hope it isn't.)