Someone should give me an award for posting so rarely: "the Golden <?>" or something. Some people write a novel or two a year, I barely manage a post. Guess I don't really need to share my thoughts with cyberspace. I am content with speaking to myself. Not aloud, of course, that would be weird to the loony-bin level, but silently. I have friends there... in my head, I mean. "I'm so happy, cause today I found my friends..." Well, that sure puts me in a bleak mood. Not only is Kurt dead, but so is an aunt, an uncle, a pal and a long-lost acquaintance. And this is just my own, personal, part of the list. Screw 2013. Failure upon death upon failure. Even the little I have achieved this year seems utterly useless. Either things turn around in the next 50 or so days, or I'll start considering opting out hoping and struggling and just go with the flow, wherever it may take me. Plans suck, while random ideas have usually taken me somewhere. Still, there is hope. I don't know from whence I derive this uncharacteristic hopefulness, because all I've been seeing these past few months is cancer, suicide and disappointment. Maybe I'm tougher than I know, or maybe all this reminds me of the challenges I used love taking up. Except there are no prizes here. None that one should have to struggle for, at least. But still, you have to cope and go on, while you feel that you can make your mark somewhere. I think I have things to say and this keeps me from despair. I just need an outlet. Something which resonates loud and clear. A "loudlet" :p Ok, I won't go all Hank Moody on you... now there's another disappointment... even the little things seem to gnaw away at my life.
I should say goodbye to those ho passed this year, but I haven't really let them go yet, so it shall have to wait... for more peaceful moments. Right now, I just need to rant a bit...
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